Psalm 98:1a [NAS]

O sing to the LORD a new song, for He has done wonderful things,

We sing a new song in our hearts and in our mouths. We sing songs of praise to God for the wonders He has done. May we be found in Him in peace, without spot, and blameless.

We have a great calling as a wife. We can demonstrate our love for our God and Savior through our obedience in our marriage. It may seem like a small thing, but the way we communicate with our husband demonstrates an act of obedience.

Many times it is the way we say something rather than what we say. Even the way we punctuate our sentences becomes a means of communication.

Think about the importance of a comma in this little note: A naval wife asked the church to pray, “John Anderson, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety.” When read without the first two commas: “John Anderson having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety.” (Joe LoMusio, If I Should Die Before I Live)

One of the ways we complete our husband is through our communication. Men communicate differently than women. When we say to him, “Let’s sit on the couch and talk,” he gets really nervous. He needs to know if we have a subject, how long it is going to take, and if he will need to resolve it. Many times we just want to “talk,” but he needs direction.

When he shares with us, we need to encourage him with our complete enthusiastic attention and to listen with interest. He wants our undivided attention. He doesn’t appreciate it when we are preoccupied with folding clothes, watching TV, talking on the phone, or other distractions while he is trying to share his life with us. Don’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions as he is talking.

Communication takes planning:

· Develop shared interests.

· Develop friendships with other couples who are likeminded.

· Plan time together.

· Speak the truth in love and with grace (careful).

· Introduce negative subjects tactfully through giving facts, thoughts, ideas, intuitions, and opinions – never feelings.

If we communicate intentionally we will encourage and build up our husband to love and good work.

1. Consider your communication habits. Find a book on basic communication skills and practice being a thread of gold in his very burlap life with work and the challenges of his day. Be a good listener.

2. Tell him again, “I love you.”

Marriage is “Joy unspeakable and full of glory.” Nahum 1:7 God is good!

Psalm 97:1,11,12 [NAS]

The LORD reigns, let the earth rejoice; Let the many islands be glad. Light is sown like seed for the righteous and gladness for the upright in heart. Be glad in the LORD, you righteous ones, and give thanks to His holy name.

He is sanctifying us wholly, body, soul, and spirit. He is working His will in us and one way He will do this is through our marriage.

L – listening when another is speaking,

O – overlooking petty faults and forgiving all failures;

V – valuing other people for who they are;

E – expressing love in a practical way. (Denis Waitley, Seeds of Greatness)

When we place our hand in our husband’s at the wedding altar, we are saying that we are leaving our family with all its familiarity and joining with this man in what we think to be familiar. We are becoming one flesh (Genesis 2:24), and we are agreeing that no one shall separate us (Matthew 19:6). We honestly do want our love to be genuine; to hate evil, to hold fast to what is good, to love him and out-do him in showing honor, never lacking in zeal, being ardent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, patient and persevering in prayer (Romans 12:9-12). A godly goal.

One of the things we innately promise at the altar is to complete him. Women marry thinking she’ll change him. Men marry hoping she will not change. Our completing him doesn’t mean we’ll change him. It means we will assist him in becoming the very best he can be.

One of the ways we complete him is to affirm and praise him. Regularly affirm what we know about him. Only affirm what is true – never fake. He can tell when we are giving fake praise and will see it as manipulation. When we find out that he has completed a task worthy of recognition in his work, let us be quick to give our praise for a job well done. Our husband can be praised by the President of his company, even the U.S. but he waits longingly for us to say, “Good job.”

We may think he will become puffed up and arrogant if we affirm him often, but we can be sure the opposite is true (1 John 3:17, 22-24). When we hear our husband brag about himself or boast about himself, that is a sure sign he needs more affirmation from us. In His love, we love him.

A wise person once said, you can’t talk sense to two human beings rushing towards each other at the speed of light. We don’t think clearly before marriage living in the “love” zone, of what it means to complete him. It is after the vows are said and the veil is lifted that the reality of living together in holy matrimony becomes a reality.

1. Look at your good quality list. Choose one and tell him, “One of the things I appreciate about you is……” If he is loyal say, “One of the things I appreciate about you is your loyalty to your work.”

2. Consider that you stop trying to change your husband and let God work on him. Pray!

Marriage is “Joy unspeakable and full of glory.” Nahum 1:7 God is good!

Psalm 96:1-5,11-13 [NAS]

Sing to the LORD a new song; Sing to the LORD, all the earth. Sing to the LORD, bless His name; Proclaim good tidings of His salvation from day to day. Tell of His glory among the nations, His wonderful deeds among all the peoples. For great is the LORD and greatly to be praised; He is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the peoples are idols, but the LORD made the heavens. Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; Let the sea roar, and all it contains; Let the field exult, and all that is in it then all the trees of the forest will sing for joy before the LORD, for He is coming, for He is coming to judge the earth He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in His faithfulness.

All the earth will worship the Lord. We must worship Him in the beauty of holiness, as God in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself. This Psalm gives us our motive to praise and our exhortation to praise. The sea can’t help but roar in praise and the trees to show that they rejoice. God searches our hearts to see if we will praise Him to see if we rejoice. He will come to judge the earth and execute just vengeance on His enemies and to fulfill His precious promises to us, His people. Would we welcome that day? If so, let us THIS DAY show our love for Him. One way we do this as a wife is in how we complete our husband and live in our marriage.

One way we complete our husband is by respecting and protecting his dignity. We must NEVER – again, NEVER – repeat to anyone else the things our husband shares with us in private. Yes, we wives tend to need a female confidant or two with whom we can share almost anything. ALMOST anything! But, when it comes to our husband, we need to be extremely careful that we protect him. People change, friends move away; we want to be careful what they have to remember about our husband the next time they see us.

A song by Christine Wertzen says it well: “Let Me Be His Sunshine”

Let me be his sunshine when the skies are dark and gray, Let me be his comfort when he’s had a long hard day, Let me be his shelter when the road is harsh and cold, Let me be submissive when the rest on earth are bold, Let me be his pillow when he’s tired and needs a rest, Let me be assuring when he faces some hard test, Let me listen softly when his world is crashing in, Let me understand when no one else can comprehend, Let me walk beside him when he needs to have a friend, Let me be security in a world of pretend, Let me be sweet music when his heart’s without a song, Let me be his living joy, each moment all along.

We were created to complete him, not compete with him. Through our marriage, we praise God because He is the One who established and gives strength to our marriage. Do we praise Him?

1. Make a list of the many ways your husband can say that you are his sunshine.

Marriage is “Joy unspeakable and full of glory.” Nahum 1:7 God is good!

Psalm 95:1-7 (NAS) A love gift

O come, let us sing for joy to the LORD, let us shout joyfully to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms. For the LORD is a great God and a great King above all gods, in whose hand are the depths of the earth, the peaks of the mountains are His also. The sea is His, for it was He who made it, and His hands formed the dry land. Come, let us worship and bow down, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker. For He is our God, and we are the people of His pasture and the sheep of His hand today, if you would hear His voice,

Worship is a way of showing our love to God. We serve an awesome, wonderful, loving God. He shows His love to us in so many ways and is our example in how to love.

We show our love to our husband in many ways, also. When we love gladly, it helps us to discipline our emotions. When we love with the knowledge that God has framed it for us and has assigned it appropriately, we can rejoice in His goodness. Because love is an action, we can learn to love – to be his complement – his love gift, to be his helper so he can do his work more efficiently and effectively. One way to show him love is to become his companion, his friend.

· A companion is someone he enjoys being with. If we have developed behaviors that embarrass him (loud speech, coarse words, or sloppy dress), he most likely won’t choose to be with us.

· A companion is someone he enjoys talking to. Surveys show men choose attractive women to talk to. Let us consider how we kept ourselves before marriage and check it out now.

· A companion is someone he enjoys discussing things with. We need to keep our brains alive and stimulated. Know what is going on in our world – news, stock market.

· A companion is someone he enjoys going places with. We may need to get our work done so we will be available to go along.

This is the day of opportunity and will not last always; improve it while it is called today. We are called to obedience. God called us wives to complete our husband. Our hard heart is at the bottom of distrust of our Lord. Our hearts are filled with evils which lead us to wander from the Lord. Let us show love to God and let us show love to our husband today.

“He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity,” Proverbs 2:7

I ask myself:

1. Do I show God the love He deserves?
2. Do I show my husband the love of God through my loving him?
3. Am I a companion to my husband?

Marriage is “Joy unspeakable and full of glory.”

Nahum 1:7 God is good!

Psalm 94:1,22,23[NAS] LORD, God of vengeance, God of vengeance, shine forth! But the LORD has been my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge. He has brought back their wickedness upon them and will destroy them in their evil; The LORD our God will destroy them.

We can boldly appeal to God (Hebrews 4:15,16). He is the Almighty Judge and judges everyone. We can be encouraged by this and bear wrongs with silence, committing ourselves to Him who judges righteously. He knows! He knows our thoughts and that the imaginations of our hearts are evil.

We tend to get swept into the world’s thinking in our marriage and submit to their standard (or lack of a standard). God has a standard that never changes. In Titus 2:3b-4, the application in our marriage is that older wives are to give good counsel and be teachers of what is right and noble in marriage and to train younger brides to love their husband. When we “fall in love,” we can’t imagine how it could ever change. Yet, what happened? Feelings change from moment to moment.

Before marriage our feelings of love are more the EROS love. Eros is romantic, passionate and sentimental. Eros love is changeable and cannot last a lifetime on its own. After marriage we have to learn to love. This love in the Greek is more of a phileo love.

Phileo love makes dear friends who share in each other’s thoughts, feelings, attitudes, plans and dreams – sharing the most intimate things they could not share with anyone else. Phileo love refers to a warm affection. It is an emotional love and cannot be commanded. Hence, we learn.

We know our husbands are not off the hook. They are given the command to love us with agape love. It has no dependence on feelings. Agape love loves no matter what. Douglas Wilson in Reforming Marriage says this love is an efficacious love. Husbands are to love their wives with effect. BUT, we dare not focus on what he is supposed to do. We have responsibilities of our own.

We have God’s great and precious promises in His gospel. The world’s comforts promise delight and bring melancholy thoughts, but God’s comforts bring peace and pleasure with smiles the world cannot give and the frowns of the world cannot take away. We are safe in the arms of Jesus. Let us be found faithful in nurturing our phileo love for our husband. Friendships are developed.

1. Journal your plan to develop phileo love-friendship with your husband.

2. Find an older wife to teach you how to love. Write her name down. Call her today.

3. Begin with a “good quality list” of your husband.

4. Ask yourself, “What kind of friend am I to him?”

5. Look at him as a friend today. God gave him to you to grow you into His woman.

6. Tell him you are glad God made you friends. Again, tell him “I love you.” No dialogue.

7. Enjoy the thrill of making his day. It really doesn’t take much.

Marriage is “Joy unspeakable and full of glory.” Nahum 1:7 God is good!

Psalm 93 [NAS] The LORD reigns, He is clothed with majesty; The LORD has clothed and girded Himself with strength; Indeed, the world is firmly established, it will not be moved. Your throne is established from of old; You are from everlasting. The floods have lifted up, O LORD, the floods have lifted up their voice, the floods lift up their pounding waves. More than the sounds of many waters, than the mighty breakers of the sea, the LORD on high is mighty. Your testimonies are fully confirmed; Holiness befits Your house, O LORD, forevermore.

In God’s dealings with frail, fragile, depraved women, He has been pleased to display the riches of His mercy and the power of His renewing grace. He not only will pardon but deliver and protect if we trust in Him. This is the awesome God we serve. If He can do this for us, He can and will help in our time of need with our marriage and our “fitting” into our husband’s ways. His grace is sufficient.

God has modeled for us His description of love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 speaks of love as being an action. 1 John 4:7-21 tells us that God’s indwelling love is shown by a life of love toward Him and others. Personalized it says, “I am to love my husband because love is of God, and if I love my husband, I am born of God and know God. And if I don’t love my husband, I do not know God because God is love. And He showed His love to me by sending His only Son into the world. And even when I was not loving, He loved me and sent His son. I need not fear because God’s perfect love casts out fear, and if I love God I will not be afraid to show love to my husband.” That’s love.

Some wives enter marriage with grandiose expectations that their husband will bring flowers, whisper sweet endearments every morning, and never, never direct a harsh word in their direction. We become very “me-oriented.” Marriage should be other-centered (Philippians 2:3,4), not self-centered.

The wise woman builds her house (Proverbs 14:1). As we understand what is true, right, and lasting and stop trying to compete with the “superwoman” (who isn’t real and lives on TV), we can create and establish a home for our husband where encouragement and peace dwell and where we show through our loving Christ His love to our husband. The wise woman builds her house for her husband.

Love is a lifetime investment. One couple purchased mountain bikes for their 43^rd anniversary because they wanted to invest in a recreation for creating fun in their marriage. That isn’t for every couple but an example of love for a lifetime. We must be creative. Love is action.

1. Journal what you are doing to build your house and how you are loving your husband.

2. What expectations did you have at your wedding for how love would look after “I do”?

3. Call your husband during the day today and say, “I just called to say I love you.” No dialogue. Enjoy the thrill of making his day. It really doesn’t take much.

Marriage is “Joy unspeakable and full of glory.” Nahum 1:7 God is good!

Psalm 92:1,2[NAS] It is good to give thanks to the LORD and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning and Your faithfulness by night.

We can begin each day in close communion with God. We may not be able to sit for a few minutes and read Scripture first thing each morning, but we can commune with God. When our eyes open, we can seek the Lord and thank Him for another day to serve Him and ask Him to help us be found faithful. We can do this before our feet even touch the floor. We can sing praises to Him.

We need to begin our day close to God. It is virtually impossible to walk as a Christian wife without holding His hand tightly and walking closely with Him. God is our rock and our sustainer. Our very breathe comes from Him. We will be more Christ-like as we practice caring for our husband.

There is a recipe for “how to cook a husband.” It goes like this:

A good many husbands are entirely spoiled by mismanagement in cooking, and so are not tender and good. Some women keep them in hot water; others freeze them; others put them in a stew; others keep them constantly in a pickle. It cannot be supposed that any husband will be good and tender if managed in this way, but they are truly delicious if properly treated. Don’t keep him in the kettle by force, as he will stay there himself if proper care is taken; if he should sputter and fizz, don’t be anxious – some husbands do this. Add a little sugar, the variety that confectioners call “kisses,” but on no account add vinegar or pepper. A little spice improves him, but it must be used with judgment. Do not try him with something sharp to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently lest he lie too long in the kettle and become flat and tasteless. If you follow those directions, you will find him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you, and he will keep as long as you want to have him.

Marriage is not about cooking our husband but “fitting” in with him. We marry his strengths, and we live with his weaknesses.

No one told me that after marriage came life! After moonlight and roses, came daylight and dishes. (Larry Crabb)

We are to love him with agape love, learn to live with him, and apply feet to our knowledge. We are to live with him in a manner that is godly – a picture of Christ and His church. We cannot do this without a close walk with God. We need to begin each morning singing praises to the Most High. As we begin our day with communion with Him, we will see His faithfulness.

1. With your eyes open right now, praise God for His loving-kindness.

2. Give your husband a tight hug and messy kiss and say, “I love you.” No dialogue!

Marriage is “Joy unspeakable and full of glory.” Nahum 1:7 God is good!

Psalm 91:1,14-16[NAS]

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name. He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With a long life I will satisfy him and let him see My salvation.

When we live our life in communion with Christ, we are constantly safe under His protection. It is a privilege and comfort to know we abide under the shadow of the Almighty. He shelters us in everything. We are under God’s protection; He will be our rest and refuge forever. This should give us great patience and courage in our marriage. We can go to God for and with everything that concerns us, and He will come between whatever it is – storm or sunshine. We call on Him and He answers.

In the little book Contact: The First Four Minutes, the author, Leonard Zunin, points out that there are two four-minute periods in a day which are absolutely critical to the maintenance of a happy marriage. They are the first four minutes upon awakening in the morning and the first four minutes upon coming together in the evening after having been apart for the day.

As wives, we can set the atmosphere for the day in our marriage, and we can bring sweet closure at night. We have a lot of “power” in our relationship with our husband. Having an attitude of kindness with a smile sets the tone for the day. It seems like such a little thing but very tangible.

“It is the little words you speak, the little thoughts you think, the little things you do or leave undone, the little moments you waste or use wisely, the little temptations which you yield to or overcome – the little things of every day that are making or marring your future life.” Thoughts for the Quiet Hour

It is the little words and things we choose to say and do or that we choose not to say and do. It is the little things that make or break our marriage. It is the little things that ruin a relationship.

We have a great blessing before us as we endeavor to complete our husband. Greet him with a smile, speak kindly, send him off with a kiss, and greet him warmly when he returns.

1. ASAP read this wonderful Psalm and purpose to commune with God all day.

2. Do you need to ask for forgiveness for being “crabby” in the mornings? Do so!

3. Always part with a smile and an “I love you.”

Marriage is “Joy unspeakable and full of glory.” Nahum 1:7 God is good!

Psalm 90:1,12 [NAS]

Lord, You have been our dwelling place in all generations. So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.

The stark reality is that we are dying creatures. All our comforts in this world are dying comforts, but God is an ever-living God, and we wives must find our refuge and dwelling place in Jesus Christ and in Him alone. The older we get, the more we realize – life is short.

When our wife-ing is gone, it cannot be recalled, nor can the words spoken.

Boys flying kites haul in their white-winged birds. You can’t do that when you’re flying words. Thoughts unexpressed often fall back dead, But God Himself cannot recall them once they’re said. (Leesa Dupree, Brea, CA)

How precious the hours that are now. God is able and so willing to walk with us and strengthen us to obey His commands to live at peace with others, and we know that means our husband first. It may not be easy but it is possible.

God is able, more than able, to accomplish what concerns me today. God is able, more than able, to handle anything that comes my way. God is able, more than able, to do much more than I could ever dream. God is able, more than able, to make me what He wants me to be. (Joanie Romberger)

When we think it is “all his fault,” let us quickly examine ourselves to see IF there is any tiny, itty-bitty thing we might be doing or saying that is contributing to the moment’s trial. Consider:

· Is our attitude one that is showing kindness and consideration for him? Philippians 2:3,4 tells us to put his needs first. We are to have an attitude of serving him before self.

· How is our approach? Are we reacting or responding? Are we allowing ourselves to hear what he has to say, then speaking softly and thoughtfully (which is responding)? Or, are we interrupting to yell that our way is truth and the best way (which is reacting)? Our approach should be like Christ. Ephesians 4:29 says we are to use words that edify – that build up, encourage, affirm.

· Are we giving him affection? In Matthew 10:37, Christ gives us an example again in that we are to avoid the appearance of evil or selfishness. We are to SHOW love. Our husband needs to know we love him.

· What is our ambition or our goal? Genesis 2:24 tells us we should be ambitious in demonstrating unity in our marriage in the obvious ways we leave our previous family and become one with our husband.

· After this brief life is eternal life. There is no marriage in heaven. Our days are numbered. Today may be our only opportunity to present a heart of wisdom. God is our dwelling place. Choose wisely.

1. Write the five “A’s” in your journal and purpose to do them daily. Tell him, “I love you.”

Marriage is “Joy unspeakable and full of glory.” Nahum 1:7 God is good!

Psalm 89:1,2,8,9 [NAS]

I will sing of the lovingkindness of the LORD forever; To all generations I will make known Your faithfulness with my mouth. For I have said "Lovingkindness will be built up forever; In the heavens You will establish Your faithfulness." O LORD God of hosts, who is like You, O mighty LORD? Your faithfulness also surrounds You. You rule the swelling of the sea;
When its waves rise, You still them.

Our faith in the boundless mercy and everlasting truth of God brings comfort even in our deepest trials. The Lord enables us to experience the joyful sound of the gospel and to obey it. Obedience always begins in our marriage. God established marriage and placed protective parameters around it. It is He that gives the joy as we obey.

We are wise as we consider the Do’s and Don’ts of marriage.

· Don’t be angry at the same time.

· Don’t yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

· Don’t resist yielding to the wishes of the other.

· Don’t criticize unlovingly.

· Don’t bring up mistakes of the past.

· Don’t let the day end without giving your spouse at least one compliment.

· Don’t meet without an affectionate welcome.

· Don’t let the sun go down on an unresolved argument.

· Don’t hold on to pride – ask for forgiveness.

· Don’t forget it takes two to make a quarrel but only one to stop it.

· Do verbally share the events of the day.

· Do renew statements regarding the relationship: “I love you.” “You are special to me.” “I missed you.” “I have been looking forward to being with you.”

· Do touch each other in meaningful ways – hugs, kisses, holding hands, sitting close.

· Do remember, commitment leads to communication; communication stimulates forgiveness; and forgiveness offers grace, which develops intimacy.

· Do show appreciation for something your partner has done – say “thank you.”

· Do take turns asking and explaining when you have misunderstood one another.

· Do share hopes and dreams – a basic key to a close relationship.

· Do be a good listener – no response may be necessary.

(by Glenda Hotton List to Live By)

Although we can’t teach our husband, we can model the above and pray that God will honor it.

1. Make a promise in your journal to put into practice the above daily.

Marriage is “Joy unspeakable and full of glory.” Nahum 1:7 God is good!